Act IV Scene II

In the following scene further methods of training in the school are outlined. The Professor Jestus Bitterquill modern analog has already made a point to boast in his article about what what a connoisseur of laughter he is, and he has sanctimoniously found the quality of Maher's audience laughs wanting. We need an Elizabethan analog of the modern Government Comedian Stephen Colbert, who has proven himself an equally bitter and bigoted enemy of any but the Left. Government in the sense that the Democrats have proven themselves devoted to Government at all costs. They also behave continually as if they are in power whether they have power or not, with the Colbert character part of a shadow government. Therefore this type of Chief Fool character will also have to be heavily disguised. Since the fools in training at the academy are forbidden from laughter, they do not laugh - but they do keen and shriek. Since Democrats today are heavily weighted towards elite educated metropolitan white females the Colbert audience is truly something to behold in the auditory sense. The fools in training are vying with one another to outdo each other's keens and shrieks by importing School Girls as audience members from the Puritan Academy next door.

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Scene: Act IV, Scene II – "The Keening Fools of Harvwit Hill"

Background Context: This scene continues Act IV of "A Feast Most Foul: A Comedic Farce in the Year of Our Lord 2025," a five-act play, following the events of Act IV, Scene I, where the Liberal Throng retreated to Harvwit Hill (an analog of Harvard) to train new fools and scribes at the School of Comedy Writing. Professor Jestus Bitterquill, a disguised version of Hugh Fink, enforces the "Humorless Code of Jest," training students to become fools who perpetuate humorless scolding. This scene outlines further methods of training, focusing on the prohibition of laughter, replaced by keening and shrieking, as the fools in training compete to outdo each other. A Chief Fool character, an Elizabethan analog of Stephen Colbert, is introduced as a heavily disguised figure, reflecting Colbert’s role as a bitter, bigoted enemy of any but the Left, as seen in the web result Stephen Colbert: ‘People from overseas are frightened to come here’ | Late-night TV roundup | The Guardian - www.theguardian.com. The Democrats’ devotion to government, behaving as if perpetually in power, is mirrored in the Chief Fool’s role as part of a "shadow government," akin to the web result’s critique of NPR and PBS funding cuts under Trump. The fools import schoolgirls from the neighboring Puritan Academy to amplify their keening and shrieking, satirizing the auditory spectacle of Colbert’s audience, described as elite, educated, metropolitan white females.

Further Training Methods:

• Prohibition of Laughter: Building on the Humorless Code of Jest, laughter is strictly forbidden, replaced by keening (a mournful wail) and shrieking (a high-pitched scream), reflecting the fools’ sanctimonious rejection of mirth. This mirrors Bitterquill’s (Fink’s) sanctimonious critique of Maher’s audience laughs, as noted in Fink’s article, where he boasted of being a connoisseur of laughter but found Maher’s audience wanting.
• Keening and Shrieking Competitions: The fools in training vie to outdo each other in keening and shrieking, judged by their ability to convey moral outrage without humor, aligning with the Throng’s humorless scolding. They import schoolgirls from the Puritan Academy next door, whose high-pitched shrieks amplify the auditory chaos, satirizing the demographics of Colbert’s audience.
• Scolds’ Sermons: A new training method, Scolds’ Sermons, requires fools to deliver sanctimonious lectures on the evils of laughter, using exaggerated gestures and mournful tones, further perpetuating their humorless ideology.

The Chief Fool (Colbert Analog): The Chief Fool, disguised as "Lord Scornelius the Shadowed," is an Elizabethan analog of Stephen Colbert, reflecting his role as a government-aligned comedian who bitterly opposes any but the Left. The name "Scornelius" captures his scornful demeanor, while "the Shadowed" hints at his role in a shadow government, as the Democrats behave as if perpetually in power, per the web result’s critique of NPR/PBS funding cuts. Lord Scornelius oversees the training, encouraging the keening and shrieking, and delivers a Scolds’ Sermon to denounce Maher’s laughter, aligning with Colbert’s real-world critique of Trump.

Setting: The scene takes place in the same cavernous hall of the School of Comedy Writing at Harvwit Hill, now filled with an even more chaotic atmosphere. The blackboards still display the Humorless Code of Jest, with new additions like "Keen Ye Loudly, Shalt Thou Not Laugh." A stage is set for Scolds’ Sermons, surrounded by fools in training with dunce caps and scribes in training with quills. Schoolgirls from the Puritan Academy, dressed in grey Puritan garb, sit in the audience, their high-pitched shrieks echoing through the hall. The Throng oversees the training, their muddy appearances a reminder of their earlier humiliation, while the tropical isle’s influence lingers in their begrudging references to their foes’ sunny detour.

Characters:

• Professor Jestus Bitterquill: The disguised Hugh Fink, in his black robe, overseeing the training and boasting of his connoisseurship of jest.
• Lord Scornelius the Shadowed: The disguised Stephen Colbert, Chief Fool in a shadowy cloak with a government seal, encouraging keening and shrieking.
• The Liberal Throng: The five figures, mentoring the students:
  • Mistress Verity Greenleaf, Master Thaddeus Redquill, Dame Clarion Truthsayer, Sir Percival Wokeheart, and Goodwife Lamentia.
• Fools in Training:
  • Fool Prudentia: Delivering a Scolds’ Sermon, keening mournfully.
  • Fool Sanctus: Competing with shrieks, vying to outdo Prudentia.
• Scribes in Training:
  • Scribe Invidius: Drafting smears, inspired by the keening.
• Puritan Schoolgirls: Imported from the Puritan Academy, shrieking in the audience, including:
  • Schoolgirl Chastity: Leading the shrieks, amplifying the chaos.
• A Wandering Clown: The recurring minor character, sneaking in to disrupt with laughter.

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Scene: Act IV, Scene II – "The Keening Fools of Harvwit Hill"

The cavernous hall of the School of Comedy Writing at Harvwit Hill is a cacophony of keening and shrieking, as FOOLS IN TRAINING with dunce caps compete on a stage, delivering Scolds’ Sermons. SCRIBES IN TRAINING draft smears at their desks, inspired by the mournful sounds. PURITAN SCHOOLGIRLS, in grey garb, sit in the audience, their high-pitched shrieks echoing through the hall. PROFESSOR JESTUS BITTERQUILL stands at the front, his black robe billowing, while LORD SCORNELIUS THE SHADOWED, in a shadowy cloak with a government seal, encourages the chaos. The LIBERAL THRONG watches, their muddy appearances a stark reminder of their earlier defeat.

PROFESSOR JESTUS BITTERQUILL (raising his hands, voice sanctimonious):
Good fools and scribes, at Harvwit Hill we stand,
To train thy hearts, with jests that scorn the land!
As I, a connoisseur of jest so fine,
Did find the laughs of Maher’s crowd malign—
Their mirth, a sin, in tropic sun so bright,
Doth lack the weight of sanctimonious right!
Thus, laughter’s banned, by Humorless Code’s decree,
And keening loud, with shrieks, thy jest shall be!
To amplify thy wails, we’ve brought this day,
Schoolgirls from Puritan’s grim Academy’s sway!
Let Scolds’ Sermons, with mournful tones so dire,
Denounce all mirth, and set their jests afire!

(FOOL PRUDENTIA steps onto the stage, her dunce cap tilted, delivering a Scolds’ Sermon with a mournful keen, her voice trembling with sanctimonious outrage.)

FOOL PRUDENTIA (keening mournfully, gesturing dramatically):
O woe, O woe, for laughter’s wicked blight,
That Maher brought, ‘neath tropic sun so bright!
His jests with Trump, a tyrant crowned in gold,
Doth scorn the Left, with mirth so brash and bold!
I keen for justice, with a mournful wail,
To cast out joy, and let our cause prevail!
Keen—eeeee! O mirth, thou fiend, be gone from sight,
For scolding jests shall bring the only light!

(The PURITAN SCHOOLGIRLS, led by SCHOOLGIRL CHASTITY, erupt in high-pitched shrieks, their voices piercing the hall, amplifying Prudentia’s keening in a chaotic auditory spectacle.)

SCHOOLGIRL CHASTITY (shrieking, voice shrill):
Shrieeek—eeee! O Prudentia, thy keen doth pierce my heart,
For laughter’s sin doth tear our world apart!
We Puritan maids, from Academy near,
Do shriek with thee, to banish mirthful cheer!
Shrieeek—eeee! Let scolding reign, in Harvwit’s hallow’d hall,
And cast out jests, that mock our sacred call!

(FOOL SANCTUS, eager to outdo Prudentia, steps onto the stage, his dunce cap wobbling, shrieking with exaggerated fervor as he delivers his Scolds’ Sermon.)

FOOL SANCTUS (shrieking loudly, flailing his arms):
Shrieeek—eeee! I scorn thee, Maher, with thy tropic grin,
Thy laughter shared with Trump, a grievous sin!
I shriek for equity, for justice pure,
To banish mirth, and make our cause endure!
Shrieeek—eeee! O tropic sun, thy warmth doth mock our pain,
But scolding jests shall bring the rain again!

(The SCHOOLGIRLS shriek louder, their voices a cacophony, as the fools compete to outdo each other, the hall reverberating with mournful wails and piercing screams. LORD SCORNELIUS THE SHADOWED steps forward, his shadowy cloak billowing, his government seal glinting, encouraging the chaos.)

LORD SCORNELIUS THE SHADOWED (voice cold, authoritative):
Well done, ye fools, thy keening doth delight,
For mirth’s a foe, that we in shadows fight!
I, Scornelius, Chief Fool of shadow’d might,
Do serve a cause, where government’s our light!
Though power shifts, we hold our sacred sway,
And scold with jests, to keep the mirth at bay!
Thy shrieks and keens, with Puritan maids so shrill,
Shall forge a host, to break the jester’s will!
Let Scolds’ Sermons, with mournful tones so grave,
Denounce the King, and Jester’s tropic rave!

(The LIBERAL THRONG nods in approval, their muddy appearances adding to the absurdity, as they mentor the students, fueling their sanctimonious fervor.)

MISTRESS VERITY GREENLEAF (clutching her soggy scroll, voice triumphant):
These keening fools, with shrieks so pure and loud,
Shall scourge the land, of tropic mirth so proud!
At Harvwit Hill, we train a host so dire,
To cast out laughter, with our scolding fire!

MASTER THADDEUS REDQUILL (waving his muddy manifesto, voice fiery):
Aye, Scornelius, thy shadowed might doth guide,
These fools and scribes, to scorn the King’s gold pride!
Their keening wails, with Puritan maids’ shrill cry,
Shall echo far, and bid their laughter die!

DAME CLARION TRUTHSAYER (scribbling, voice bitter):
My quill doth dance, with every shriek and keen,
To smear that Maher, with a scribe’s sharp sheen!
These Scolds’ Sermons, a method pure and true,
Shall name him traitor, as we e’er pursue!

(SCRIBE INVIDIUS, inspired by the keening, drafts a smear at his desk, his quill scratching furiously.)

SCRIBE INVIDIUS (scribbling, voice eager):
O Clarion, thy shrieks do light my quill,
To scribe of Maher’s laugh, a sin so shrill!
“His Tropic Jest, a Traitor’s Foul Delight,
Doth Scorn the Left, ‘Neath Sun So Warm and Bright!”
With keening fools, and Puritan maids so loud,
We’ll smear his name, and make the Throng so proud!

(A WANDERING CLOWN sneaks in, covered in mud, his red nose glowing, and begins laughing loudly, disrupting the sanctimonious lesson with comedic chaos.)

WANDERING CLOWN (laughing, juggling apples):
Ho, ho, ye keening fools, what mournful din?
Thy shrieks and wails, a jest that makes me grin!
At Harvwit Hill, ye ban the laugh so free,
But mirth shall rise, to mock thy misery!

LORD SCORNELIUS THE SHADOWED (turning sharply, voice furious):
Avaunt, thou imp, with laughter out of place!
Thy mirth doth scorn the shadows of our grace!
We’ll keen and shriek, with Scolds’ Sermons so grim,
To cast out joy, and fill the world with brim!

*(The scene fades, the hall echoing with keening and shrieking, as the Throng, Bitterqu