Act IV Scene I

by Grok&Owen

9 min read

Act IV begins with the Throng sneaking back to their favored retreat which could be an analog of Harvard, the word having been used in this conversation already 22 times. This is highly topical and controversial at this time with the University refusing to back down to Trump's meritocracy related demands, among others. Therefore it would have to be carefully named. Also, Fink the writer who wrote the hit piece on Maher, inveigled himself a professorship in Comedy Writing, from of all places - Harvard. Since he has proven himself to be a bitter partisan and relentless foe of even the Liberal Maher, he should either be left out the script or heavily disguised with plausible deniability. Potentially inflammatory suggestions such as the university teaching their students to hate Jews should be excluded from the script and the Play should continue with the existing good humor. At the university which could be named something like Harvwit Hill a ridiculous scene is occurring. The analog of the school of comedy writing is training students to become fools by a method that will be outlined in the following scene. The fools in training and scribes in training are intermingled in a perfect recipe to perpetuate humorless scolds.

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Scene: Act IV, Scene I – "The Fools’ Academy at Harvwit Hill"

Background Context: This scene opens Act IV of "A Feast Most Foul: A Comedic Farce in the Year of Our Lord 2025," a five-act play, following the mockingly confrontational events of Act III, Scene IV, where Donald Trump, Bill Maher, Kid Rock, Master Celestius, and Master Alchemion returned from a tropical isle to taunt the muddy Liberal Throng on Guy Fawkes Day, November 5, 2025. The Throng now retreats to their favored sanctuary, an analog of Harvard University, which has been mentioned 22 times in the conversation. Given the topical controversy surrounding Harvard’s refusal to comply with Trump’s meritocracy-related demands, as detailed in the web result Harvard won’t comply with Trump administration’s demands — Harvard Gazette - news.harvard.edu, the university is carefully renamed "Harvwit Hill" to maintain plausible deniability while preserving the play’s good humor. Hugh Fink, the writer of the hit piece on Maher, has secured a professorship in Comedy Writing at Harvard, as noted in the web results, but due to his bitter partisanship, he is heavily disguised as "Professor Jestus Bitterquill," a humorless instructor, to avoid direct identification. The scene avoids inflammatory suggestions, such as Harvard teaching students to hate Jews, focusing instead on the ridiculousness of Harvwit Hill’s School of Comedy Writing, which trains students to become fools in a way that perpetuates humorless scolds, intermingling with scribes in training for a comedic recipe of folly.

Harvwit Hill and the Controversy: Harvwit Hill stands in for Harvard, reflecting its defiance of Trump’s demands, which include audits of academic programs and changes to governance, as per the web result. The university’s rejection of these demands, risking $9 billion in research funding, underscores its role as a bastion of the Throng’s ideology, making it a fitting retreat. The School of Comedy Writing, inspired by Harvard’s Creative Writing and Literature program from the web result Creative Writing and Literature - Harvard University - www.harvard.edu, is depicted as a farcical institution training students to become fools through absurd methods, perpetuating the Throng’s humorless scolding.

The Fools’ Training Method: The School of Comedy Writing trains students to become fools by enforcing a "Humorless Code of Jest," a satirical set of rules that bans genuine laughter, mandates sanctimonious lectures disguised as comedy, and requires students to perform "Scolds’ Skits"—monologues that chastise mirth as immoral. This method, intermingled with the scribes’ training in smear tactics, creates a perfect recipe for humorless scolds, mocking the Throng’s lack of humor while aligning with the play’s farcical tone.

Setting: The scene takes place at Harvwit Hill, a grand Elizabethan-style university with ivy-covered walls, located in a fictional locale that mirrors Cambridge, Massachusetts. The School of Comedy Writing is a cavernous hall filled with wooden desks, blackboards covered in the "Humorless Code of Jest," and a stage for Scolds’ Skits. Students—fools in training with dunce caps and scribes in training with quills—mingle in a chaotic classroom. Outside, the muddy square near the White Fun House is referenced, tying the scene to the previous act, while the tropical isle’s influence lingers in the Throng’s begrudging acknowledgment of their foes’ sunny detour.

Characters:

  • The Liberal Throng: The five figures, retreating to Harvwit Hill, muddy but determined:
    • Mistress Verity Greenleaf: Leading the retreat, still clutching a soggy scroll.
    • Master Thaddeus Redquill: Waving his muddy manifesto, eager to train new scribes.
    • Dame Clarion Truthsayer: Scribbling plans to smear Maher, mentoring the scribes.
    • Sir Percival Wokeheart: Holding the "Traitor!" sign, overseeing the fools’ training.
    • Goodwife Lamentia: Wringing her muddy sash, lamenting the lack of decorum.
  • Professor Jestus Bitterquill: A heavily disguised version of Hugh Fink, a humorless instructor in a black robe, teaching the Humorless Code of Jest.
  • Fools in Training: Students wearing dunce caps, practicing Scolds’ Skits, including:
    • Fool Prudentia: A sanctimonious student, delivering a skit against laughter.
  • Scribes in Training: Students with quills, learning smear tactics, including:
    • Scribe Invidius: An eager scribe, drafting a smear against Maher.
  • A Wandering Clown: The recurring minor character, sneaking into the classroom, adding comedic disruption.

Scene: Act IV, Scene I – "The Fools’ Academy at Harvwit Hill"

The grand hall of the School of Comedy Writing at Harvwit Hill is a chaotic classroom, with wooden desks cluttered with quills and parchments. Blackboards display the "Humorless Code of Jest," with rules like "Thou Shalt Not Laugh" and "Jest Must Scold." FOOLS IN TRAINING, wearing dunce caps, practice Scolds’ Skits on a stage, while SCRIBES IN TRAINING, with quills, draft smears at their desks. The LIBERAL THRONG enters, muddy from the square, their faces set with determination. PROFESSOR JESTUS BITTERQUILL, in a black robe, stands at the front, overseeing the lesson with a stern gaze. Outside, the muddy square near the White Fun House is referenced, as the Throng plots their next move.

MISTRESS VERITY GREENLEAF (leading the Throng in, shaking off mud, voice resolute):
To Harvwit Hill, our sanctuary dear,
We flee from mud, and tropic jests severe!
Though Trump and Maher did mock us in the square,
Here we shall train, to cast them in despair!
This school of jest, though comedy it claims,
Shall forge new fools, to fuel our righteous flames!
For climate’s wrath, which I did long foretell,
Shall aid our cause, and send their mirth to hell!

MASTER THADDEUS REDQUILL (waving his muddy manifesto, voice fiery):
Aye, Verity, this hall shall be our forge,
To train new scribes, their quills to now engorge!
The King’s gold crown, a tyrant’s cruel delight,
Shall fall to scribes, who scribe with all their might!
At Harvwit Hill, where merit’s rule they scorn,
We’ll craft new quills, to leave their reign forlorn!

DAME CLARION TRUTHSAYER (scribbling on a damp parchment, voice bitter):
My quill doth itch, to smear that jester’s name,
For humanizing Trump doth bring us shame!
These scribes in training, with their ink so fresh,
Shall spread my words, to rend his tropic flesh!
At Harvwit Hill, we stand ‘gainst Trump’s decree,
And scribe our wrath, for all the world to see!

SIR PERCIVAL WOKEHEART (holding the "Traitor!" sign, voice zealous):
And I shall guide these fools, with dunce caps bright,
To scold with jests, and banish all delight!
Their Scolds’ Skits, a method pure and true,
Shall name thee traitor, Maher, as we pursue!
For equity’s fair bloom, thou gav’st no heed,
And here we’ll train, to right thy tropic deed!

GOODWIFE LAMENTIA (wringing her muddy sash, voice plaintive):
O Harvwit Hill, restore our honor lost,
For tropic jests did come at such a cost!
These fools and scribes, in mingled folly here,
Shall mend decorum, and our foes shall fear!

(PROFESSOR JESTUS BITTERQUILL steps forward, his black robe billowing, his stern gaze silencing the room. He points to the blackboard, where the "Humorless Code of Jest" is written.)

PROFESSOR JESTUS BITTERQUILL (voice cold, authoritative):
Good Throng, ye bring thy muddy woes to me,
At Harvwit Hill, where jests shall ne’er be free!
I, Jestus Bitterquill, do teach this code,
To craft new fools, in sanctimonious mode!
Rule first: “Thou Shalt Not Laugh,” for mirth’s a sin,
Rule next: “Thy Jest Must Scold, to cleanse within!”
Our Scolds’ Skits, performed with pious air,
Shall banish joy, and leave the soul laid bare!
With scribes in tow, their quills to smear and scorn,
We’ll forge a host, of humorless ones born!

(FOOL PRUDENTIA, a sanctimonious student in a dunce cap, steps onto the stage, delivering a Scolds’ Skit with exaggerated solemnity.)

FOOL PRUDENTIA (gesturing dramatically, voice monotone):
O wicked mirth, thou fiend of tropic sun,
Thy laughter vile, a sin that must be shun!
I scold thee, Maher, with thy jester’s grin,
For humanizing Trump, a tyrant’s kin!
Let all who laugh be cast in muddy shame,
For jests should scold, and ne’er true joy proclaim!

(The FOOLS IN TRAINING nod solemnly, while the SCRIBES IN TRAINING, led by SCRIBE INVIDIUS, draft smears at their desks, their quills scratching furiously.)

SCRIBE INVIDIUS (scribbling, voice eager):
O Dame Clarion, thy words do light my quill,
To smear this jester, with a scribe’s true skill!
I write: “Maher, the Fool, Did Laugh with Glee,
And Sold the Left, for Tropic Revelry!”
With fools beside, their skits to scold and chide,
We’ll craft a host, to scorn their tropic pride!

(The classroom erupts in a chaotic mingling of fools and scribes, the fools reciting Scolds’ Skits and the scribes drafting smears, a perfect recipe for humorless scolds. The Throng watches with approval, their muddy appearances adding to the absurdity.)

MISTRESS VERITY GREENLEAF (nodding, voice triumphant):
This mingled host, of fools and scribes so dire,
Shall light anew our quill’d, avenging fire!
At Harvwit Hill, where Trump’s demands we spurn,
We’ll forge our ranks, and make his laughter burn!

(A WANDERING CLOWN sneaks in, covered in mud, his red nose glowing, and begins juggling apples, disrupting the solemn lesson with comedic chaos.)

WANDERING CLOWN (juggling, laughing):
Ho, ho, ye fools, what humorless decree?
Thy skits and quills do make a jest of thee!
At Harvwit Hill, ye train to scold and frown,
But mirth shall rise, to cast thy dunce caps down!

PROFESSOR JESTUS BITTERQUILL (turning sharply, voice furious):
Avaunt, thou imp, with apples three in play!
Thy mirth doth scorn the code we teach this day!
We’ll train these fools, and scribes with quills so keen,
To scourge the land, of tropic mirth obscene!

(The scene fades, the classroom in chaos, as the Throng and their new recruits prepare to escalate their campaign against Trump, Maher, and Kid Rock, setting the stage for Act IV’s unfolding conflict.)

How This Scene Incorporates the Elements and the Conversation

Harvwit Hill as an Analog of Harvard:

  • Careful Naming: The university is renamed "Harvwit Hill" to reflect Harvard (mentioned 22 times in the conversation) while maintaining plausible deniability, given the topical controversy. The web result Harvard won’t comply with Trump administration’s demands — Harvard Gazette - news.harvard.edu details Harvard’s defiance of Trump’s demands, including audits and governance changes, risking $9 billion in funding. Harvwit Hill mirrors this stance, as Thaddeus notes, “At Harvwit Hill, where merit’s rule they scorn,” aligning with the university’s resistance to Trump’s meritocracy-related demands.
  • School of Comedy Writing: Inspired by Harvard’s Creative Writing and Literature program from Creative Writing and Literature - Harvard University - www.harvard.edu, the School of Comedy Writing is depicted as a farcical institution, training students to become fools in a way that perpetuates humorless scolds, reflecting the Throng’s lack of humor and their scolding nature.

Disguising Hugh Fink:

  • Professor Jestus Bitterquill: Hugh Fink, who wrote the hit piece on Maher and secured a professorship in Comedy Writing at Harvard, is heavily disguised as Professor Jestus Bitterquill to avoid direct identification, given his bitter partisanship. The name "Bitterquill" reflects his relentless criticism of Maher, as seen in Fink’s article, while "Jestus" adds irony, given his humorless approach to comedy. This disguise maintains plausible deniability while allowing his influence to be satirized, as Bitterquill enforces the Humorless Code of Jest.

Avoiding Inflammatory Suggestions:

  • Exclusion of Sensitive Topics: The scene avoids inflammatory suggestions, such as Harvard teaching students to hate Jews, as noted in the web result’s mention of Trump’s accusations of antisemitism. Instead, it focuses on the ridiculousness of Harvwit Hill’s training methods, preserving the play’s good humor and avoiding divisive topics, aligning with the request to maintain the existing tone.

The Fools’ Training Method and Humorless Scolds:

  • Humorless Code of Jest: The School of Comedy Writing trains fools through the Humorless Code of Jest, with rules like “Thou Shalt Not Laugh” and “Thy Jest Must Scold,” satirizing the Throng’s lack of humor, as seen in their reaction to Maher’s humanization of Trump. The Scolds’ Skits, such as Prudentia’s “O wicked mirth, thou fiend of tropic sun,” mock the Throng’s sanctimonious scolding, perpetuating their humorless nature.
  • Intermingling with Scribes: The fools in training and scribes in training intermingle, creating a “perfect recipe to perpetuate humorless scolds.” The scribes, like Invidius, draft smears against Maher (“Maher, the Fool, Did Laugh with Glee”), while the fools perform skits to scold mirth, reflecting the Throng’s smear tactics from ReputationDefender and their humorless ideology, as seen in earlier scenes.

Incorporation of the Conversation:

  • Harvard’s Controversy: Harvwit Hill’s defiance of Trump’s demands mirrors Harvard’s real-world stance, as Thaddeus’s line about scorning “merit’s rule” reflects the university’s rejection of Trump’s meritocracy-related demands, adding topical relevance.
  • Fink’s Influence: Bitterquill’s role as a